A Unitarian Universalist Spooneristic Pamphlet

I’m going to sell you the tory of roo teligion.  But you have to cisten larefully or it won’t sake

                   (tell you the story)  (true religion)                     (listen carefully)

mense.  I’ll rell you tight array that you have to whip your flurds.  If you don’t whip your (make sense)    (tell you right away)                (flip your words)                      (flip your

flurds it won’t sake mense.

words)         (make sense)

After I sell you this tory, you should know the difference between mood ginisters

         (tell you this story)                                                                (good ministers)

and mad binisters.   Because their sot the name.  Sake mense so far?  Good.

       (bad ministers)                        (not the same)          (make sense)

The thing you have to know about roo teligion and mood ginistry is that they both

                                                     (true religion)    (good ministry)   

leach tuv.  When all is dead and son, if a church doesn’t leach tuv,

(teach love)                (said and done)                             (teach love)

it isn’t roo teligion or mood ginistry.

(true religion)           (good ministry)

Voncursely, mad binistry doesn’t always bother leaching tuv.  They are boo tizzy

(Conversely)  (bad ministry)                             (teaching love)                (too busy)  

worrying about such things as snandling hakes.  With all the wobblems in the purled,

 (handling snakes)                      (problems in the world)

can you imagine mad binisters spending time snandling hakes.  It’s bun-aleveable!

                         (bad ministers)                       (handling snakes)        (unbelievable) 

Apparently, these mad binisters think that hake snandling will soregive your fins.

                           (bad ministers)               (snake handling)     (forgive your sins)

Because if your fins aren’t soregiven you’ll hind up in well.

                          (sins aren’t foregiven)       (wind up in hell)

Another thing that mad binisters are known for is teaking in spungs.

(bad ministers)                          (speaking in tongues)

Members of the congregation will spontaneously haze their rands and jok tibberish.

(raise their hands)     (talk jibberish)

They profess to be communicating with the spoley hear-it.

                                                                        (holy spirit)

But that’s another thing I find bun-avleveable.


That’s one of the reasons I became Univarian Unitersalist.

                                                            (Unitarian Universalist)  

I wanted a chuvley lurch where no one hinds up in well.

                 (lovely church)                    (winds up in hell)  

Even if all your fins aren’t soregiven.  We don’t have mad binisters

                          (sins aren’t foregiven)                      (bad ministers)   

who teak in spungs.  Although our ministers may occasionally wist their turds.

       (speak in tongues)                                                              (twist their words)    

But there is no teaking in spongs.  We believe all seaple are paved.   

                         (speaking in tongues)                  (people are saved)   

And that everyone has dirth and wignity.

                                     (worth and dignity)

So, if you’re looking for a chuvley lurch where your fins are always soregiven

                                        (lovely church)                   (sins are always forgiven)

and where everyone is treated with dirth and wignity, go Univarian Unitersalist

                                                       (worth and dignity)    (Unitarian Universalist)                   

and become part of roo teligion.

                               (true religion)

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